ConnorKPGrappler's blog

Thanks for sharing. Hit me up any time you want to talk about such matters.

I understand this issue can affect many different people in different ways, and they will have different financial situations, different genetic factors, differences in mentality, disposition, etc. That being said, I think everyone needs to decide which is more important to them:

1) Making adjustments in order to create positive change, or
2) Dwelling on feelings and eliciting sympathy and platitudes from total strangers

I understand #2 is all the rage right now in online culture, but I don't believe it does anyone any benefit in the long run and actually does more harm than good. It doesn't matter what anyone else says, if you don't feel it or believe it yourself. The positive feelings can only follow positive action and results.

I've lost about 20 pounds this year (while adding muscle) through a combination of intermittent fasting, Muay Thai training, and some basic weight training. Most would agree that is much more difficult in your mid 40s than early 20s, when things like age and metabolism tend to be on your side.

I'm no health guru, but if you aren't happy, something you are doing is not serving you. If someone wants to find an excuse, or doesn't want to do something, they can always find a reason, but only you can help yourself. Sometimes people will say they don't have time to do anything, can't afford anything, etc., but there are plenty of small adjustments you can start making to feel better today. All depends on what works for you, regardless of the naysayers or know-it-alls.

Some examples:
Fasting: It takes no time or money to just take in less calories. Only will power.

Stop drinking in calories: Stick to things like water, unsweetened tea or coffee. Avoid soda and juice. Cut back or avoid alcohol, and if you drink beer, get rid of that and stick to something more like vodka waters or other hard spirits, and only in moderation.

Avoid or cut back on fast food, fried food, sweets and carbs: Even if you eat fast food aim for things like salad or high protein choices like double the chicken. Skip the fries, etc. Avoid carb heavy breakfasts or post-dinner snacking.

Get active: You don't need to be able to afford a gym membership, equipment, or combat training to get moving. If you can walk or bike somewhere, instead of drive, do it. You can do body weight exercises at home for free and the more muscle you build the more calories you will burn and faster. Avoiding a sedentary lifestyle looking at screens all day is crucial, and things like fresh air, sunlight and a regular sleep schedule can do wonders for mood and motivation (including the anxiety issues).

Spend time with the people you want to emulate: Whether you are spending time time with positive, active people or lazy, negative, victim-minded people can have a massive influence on you even if you aren't aware of it.

These are just a few ideas off the top of my head, but it's all about what works for you. If you follow even half of them, the is a really good chance you can start looking and feeling better before the end of the year and definitely within 3-4 months. Figure out that part first and the confidence and positive feelings are sure to follow. Best of luck.

Agree 100% ! Great advice!! But it all starts in your heart !!! Good luck with it Mate & don't forget there are plenty of us on here you can reach out to for support !!!

1. Avoiding carbs outright will cause your body to turn the protein you do eat into glucose anyway - science wins, fasting loses though it is good to 'skip' a meal if you can. More math on this: 3100 cals or so = 1 pound. So in the end, as they have said since the dawn of time, balanced diet, 3 meals in general. Don't snack 8 times a day that doesn't even begin to make sense considering our evolution and history. The end. It is far easier to east a good meal and do 1 or even 2 excellent sessions in a day than to starve and shake all the way down on any real effort in the gym. Fasting is out. Motions that cause stresses to kneecaps are out. Anything behind the head - out. For the older.

2. If you want to cut calories to that much of an extreme, as the math goes, stay out of the gym entirely, go for walks and spend 90 days really at your requirements for your weight and adjust those. You will likely be within 25 percent of your natural weight; 1-3 months in the gym intensely will sculpt that back up. For the young.

3. All else fails. Remember the math: 3100-3200 cals in general = 1 pound. Spend 1 week counting, 1 week deducting, lose all the weight you could ever want without ever even going to the gym but remember the weights and make a plan: you will want healthy mass back on.

How you know in general its the right path:
Every now and again, your a bit hungry as lunch approaches.
When you eat at night, you glow. This is not the same as keto but it feels the same.
You are not nauseous after drinking water and can do so while eating with no effort.
You FEEL better, far in advance of the result.

Source: 15 years doing every stupid thing you could imagine in weight ranges of 350 to 175 lbs. Its all works. It's just the ###'s.

No one said to never touch a carb or anything to that extreme, but cutting down on them dramatically and getting more calories from sources like protein helps and works for many people.

I am aware that different people have different genetics and different things will work for some that don't work for others. That's why I didn't say he has to do everything I said, and they were only some examples of small changes he could try today that won't cost him any extra time or money. I can go long periods of time without food without it having a major effect on my mood or energy. I know other people who get things like nausea, headaches or mood swings if they don't eat right away (but that may even be withdrawal from all that sugar, I'm not sure). Depends on what works for him.

I understand the immediate gratification crowd with minimal self-control tend to rage if you suggest things like intermittent fasting... but if someone can do it, it (along with not snacking all day) is FANTASTIC advice if you ACTUALLY know anything our "evolution and history". Three meals a day is as baseless as that ridiculous food pyramid they were pushing decades ago that told people to chow down on inflammatory food like bread, but have things like eggs in extreme moderation. Human beings did not evolve with refrigerators keeping things fresh, vacuum sealed food and access to high-caloric, deep-fried, fast food 24/7. They were hunter-gatherers who were physically active all day, starting the day out with no food, hunting and collecting food, then having communal meals in relatively short eating windows (before things started to spoil and rot). Just because the technology changed quickly, doesn't mean our biology kept pace. That's why cultures that live close to that in places like Africa don't have the obesity epidemic of constant snacking cultures.

Avoid the gym, any strenuous exercise or shock to your knees might be good advice for someone north of 65, but he's in his early 20s. He doesn't need advice appropriate for geriatrics, he needs advice for someone who might not have the money or space for expensive equipment or gym memberships (unless there is some unmentioned health issues at play).

Obsessive calorie counting might be great for professional athletes, people in body building competitions, or those working with doctors and dieticians because of extreme weight issues... but it's highly unrealistic and unsustainable for most people. Especially at the beginning of a health journey. It's better to just skip breakfast if you can (getting rid of all those cereal, waffles, donuts, and pop-tarts) than expecting someone to bust out a calculator and a chart every time they eat anything.

I would ask and suggest that you stop worrying about critiquing, correcting or contradicting me and just worry about yourself. You can offer up your own advice and he can take it or not, but it doesn't need to some off as so contrarian. Which is way I suggested he ignore the know-it-alls from the outset. (I never claimed to know-it-all or said he had to do things my way, I only offered suggestions that he can try out that may help. Mix and match).

And my source is a lifetime of never having gotten anywhere near 350 lbs or having 175 lb weight swings. If this one thing worked for you, great... but it's not a one size fits all solution and some of this stuff about the known wisdom from the beginning of time are way off base and out of date myths from the 1950s. Perhaps buying into it explains all these issues you've been having. It's why I said he should emulate the positive behavior of people he wants to be like, and I wouldn't suggest taking advice on such topics form those to who admitted to extreme and erratic personal track records.

We can agree to disagree on doing unimportant motions that don't work out any muscle in particular like forward lunges that don't do anything at all different from a straight Squat for example. I don't disagree with anything else you said really except for the term geriatrics like that means anything it's just basic Common Sense people could do what they like.

The only parts I agree with in this statement are that we can disagree and people can do what they like. The rest is just wrong. There are plenty of differences between lunges and squats. One is a unilateral movement, the other is bilateral. They target different muscle groups to different degrees. Lunges are better for balance and stabilization, squats allow you to use more weight and are better for building muscle.

Now if someone wants to avoid lunges because of knee issues, that's one thing... but to say they are "unimportant" and they "don't do anything different" is just flat out wrong. If so, why do so many people who are more knowledgeable or at a higher level of training and conditioning do both? They just want to waste their time?

Also any quick internet search can give you the dictionary definition of geriatrics: "Geriatric is a noun that means a branch of medicine that deals with the problems and diseases of old age and the medical care and treatment of aging people. It is also an adjective that means old, elderly, or relating to geriatrics." It has a clear, medical definition, so claiming it has "no meaning" is also incorrect. Either way advice aimed to people in this category is not appropriate for someone in their early 20s.

I think part of the problem here (and why I've asked you to stop directing comments at me) is that you're under the false impression that this is just my opinion vs your opinion. That is not the case. It seems like it's more your feelings vs unpleasant realities you don't want to accept.

I didn't invent or discover any of this or will it to be. I'm just the messenger and I care a lot about factual accuracy. Maybe your intent was good at the start, but you also seem very hung up on this idea that if you specifically don't like something or can't do it, then it must have no value to anyone and should be completely avoided. That seems more about protecting an ego than trying to help this young man with issues, which is my only intent.

Whether people like it and accept it or not, age does play a factor in all of this, and what is appropriate for a 65 year old is not identical to a 25 year old. I have a Thai boxing instructor who is in his early 60s, and he's a cool guy. I like him and respect his knowledge, but I'm still not going to put as much power behind a side kick if he is holding the pads as I do when a big muscular (yet vastly less experienced) 24 year old is holding them... because I have knowledge, experience and live in actual reality. We need to accept reality on reality's terms, not pretend it is what we wish it was.

Thanks. Cheers.

Take some.
Of this advice avoid some of it.I've seen absolute animals with histories of having met people and had perfect a good time. Beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder. Sone of us Are insecure naturally and it takes a lot to move past but you will. For me, I find I can't change how I feel but I can change my reaction to it. To be clear, I can't empathize because that's not my exact problem for me.It's more I can't tell if I look good or not.So I move past. I do my best. Be clean of bod. Have a sense of humor avoid people who think they are owed something.

I've learned from this site that there are many, MANY different body shapes, sizes, and characteristics (hairy vs. smooth, light to dark-skinned, younger to older, etc.). I have been pleasantly surprised (to the point of feeling embarrassed at times) that more than a few guys have complimented me on my appearance - - which has always been a source of anxiety for me. There's an old saying, every pot has a lid. I can almost guarantee that what you see as "overweight" in your eyes is seen as an attractive, "beefy" wrestler (or other complimentary term for guys who like a "little meat on the bones"). It may be difficult, but put yourself "out there" and enjoy the diversity of guys on the site who share your wrestling interests.

Good advice again !!!

Yes I agree with this as well. Much is in the eye of the beholder, and weight issues might not mean as much if you are focused on meeting people in a similar weight class. Only if you eye is primarily on people in a lower/fitter class and you are comparing yourself to them.

All I can say is that when it comes to your health and fitness and how you look you can absolutely change the way you look. You simple have to want to change.

I recently tried to encourage others by opening a chat room dedicated to offering assistance on nutrition, supplementation, and diet. But despite the huge percentage of overweight and obese here, not a single person entered nor asked any questions about improving their health, fitness, or appearance. Only a handful of guys chimed in that were already in shape.

While I can't speak for everyone that comments, my experience has taught me that people lament on how they appear to others, but not a lot of them are willing to do the work it takes to change anything. Fitness is not something you do for a time and then stop.

BTW, I also suffer from anxiety – not as a kid, but as an adult – and could offered some advice that might have been useful on that topic as well.

I agree. There has got to be 50 million fitness channels online, so the fact people won't look for advice in a random chatroom doesn't surprise me, but your overarching point about people just not wanting to do the work holds true. (Though I'd also ask how many different ways do we need to say "diet and exercise"?) My earlier advice in the thread was just to make small adjustments and see what works for him, but I know the odds it will be taken are low.

I'd also add many don't want to ever delay gratification or deny themselves a pleasure (even if it's as temporary as the taste of something). The ones who have the biggest problem with these issues don't seem to want to do anything unless it's some magic trick or shortcut that still allows them to eat whatever they want whenever they want... which we know doesn't exist.

Yet what's become all the rage in recent internet culture is to first off, take zero accountably and externalize all one's problems, blaming them on outside factors, and secondly to focus all the time and energy on dwelling on feelings and whinging about feelings online, looking for external coddling and validation from strangers. In my opinion this stuff is a VERY female mindset that has somehow infected a lot of men in the last couple decades (this idea that I don't need to fix the problem, I just need others to listen and empathize with me). That's not how most men historically operate, and the ones who do that typically aren't happy or doing well.

The problem is that mentality doesn't fix the problem, it doesn't make you feel better (either emotionally or in terms of health) and it kind of takes away men's biggest strength which is the ability to accept hard truths and toughen-up through adversity and discomfort. Guys need more Rogan and less Oprah... and to understand that health and fitness is a journey for all, struggle for some, and should be considered a permanent lifestyle choice.... but it's not an instant gratification kind of thing... nor can other people's words, feelings or opinions do the work for you. Somewhere hard choices or discomfort may come into play even if it's as simple as ordering the chicken salad even if everyone else around you is going with the pizza. We can only control ourselves and we are the only ones that can improve ourselves. Cheers.

You got this bro.