osakarob's blog

A recent match with a tough wrestler from Chicago reminded me of an important concept: your love of fighting will forever require coordination. Not coordination as in balance; coordination as in your ability to set up meetings with strangers and make them memorable.

Between bouts of dominating me into submission, my opponent shared his fighting history. Like most men, he engaged in youthful roughhousing during his teen and college years. And like many of us, his first coordinated matches with strangers made him nervous and a bit scared. He knew deep down that his desire for masculine combat was an appreciated part of his masculinity and easily satiated by joining a jiu-jitsu club. But he also acknowledged that the feelings were also primal and erotic. His desires for fighting became jumbled and intertwined with his desires for men generally. Matches that culminated in sexual release certainly weren’t requisite. But they definitely became the most memorable ones. Today, he reaps the bounty of a network of dozens of trusted past opponents all around the country and the world. He’s had multiple matches with his favorites over several decades.

I wanted to ask him directly “To what do you attribute your high success rate in finding the specific kind of opponent that you like?” But in fact, his secret was revealed in a side conversation about his professional life: He knows precisely what he wants. He can articulate it well. And then he coordinates all the details in his life to make it happen – sparing no expense to get exactly whatever outcome he desires.

Intuitively, I knew he applied the same rigor to his wrestling passion: when he sees a match opportunity that he wants – he freely and generously allocates time and financial resources to connect with his desired opponent. He asks probing questions to ensure “fit”. But once he’s established that “this is someone I want to meet”, he relentlessly manages his time to maximize these opportunities. He recognizes that clarity of purpose is essential for leading the kind of life he wants both in business and in the ring. In the case of our match, he added an entire day onto his business trip, booked a larger suite to ensure room for fighting, and probably even missed an important meeting to be with me.

That made me feel special. And I had to acknowledge that this match wasn’t just like all the others. He really wanted to spend time with me.

I left our match humbled by my repeated defeats but invigorated by the time I spent with this guy. I wondered why we spent so much time talking about fighting and our personal lives before we even locked up. Afterwards, however, I realized this too was part of his laser-focused approach to match coordination. He invests in the relationships first so that will ensure that both opponents feel comfortable and excited during match. Intimacy and trust are essential ingredients for meeting strangers for matches that have an erotic component. And my friend clearly realized that those ingredients must be timed – or coordinated – in the right order to make the final product truly excellent.

The experience re-affirmed in me that however I coordinate future matches, I want to apply the same principles this guy does.

Question for some of the older fighters here on MF: Do you have a long-running "regular" opponent who you meet up with for matches somewhat frequently? I'm wondering who's got the longest-running battle streak with the same opponent or opponents?

I know there's a natural covid-gap for the pandemic. But putting that aside, who do you battle with regularly and for how long have you been doing it? I'm also a little curious to know "why" we continue on year after year with certain ones. What makes them the special ones?

Last year hobbled me with some serious back pain. It significantly limited my opportunity for matches.
And continued sciatica has made things feel a bit bleak lately. Is this farewell to the Boston crab and camel clutch? I hope not.
Everyone loves a comeback story and so I'm hoping 2022 allows me to write one.

In the meantime, I wonder if anyone has any inspirational comeback stories from when you powered through your pain and were able to come back to wrestling - or whatever fighting passion you have.

Do you feel less than average?

No, I most definitely do not mean the size of your arms, legs, chest, or dick!

I'm talking about the average number of matches you get in a year's time.

I have a friend who travels frequently - all around the United States. He has dozens of matches each year.
We get together every few months for lunch so I can hear all about his latest opponents and the details of his matches.

I travel rather infrequently these days and so naturally I don't have nearly as many stories to share with him when we meet.

This leaves me wondering...."What is the average number of opponents you have over the course of a year?"
I presume most of us would prefer more.

Also, "What would an appropriate number be to satisfy your fight instincts?"