osakarob's blog

I'm curious to know about experiences folks have had wrestling opponents when there was no shared language.

Obviously, competitive clubs and tournaments exist where athletes compete without a common language. And for most matches, one could argue that communication is irrelevant. But those kinds of meets are usually organized and managed.

But setting up a match on a site like this usually requires at least some basic level of shared communication, right? Certainly to establish some safety expectations, rules or preferences.

Since many nations around the world speak English as a second language, I presume many matches are set up and conducted in that "lingua franca". But I do wonder if anyone has been successful without much language proficiency between opponents.

Has anyone had any experiences battling with someone without a common shared language?

The holiday season unofficially begins this week in the U.S. with the start of theThanksgiving holiday. Reports suggest that this year 29 million Americans will travel this week.

No doubt some guys on this site are searching profiles for matches near their travel destinations. I was one of them. But then I changed my mind once I arrived.

There are plenty of profiles in the state I'm visiting, but I'm not sure I'm willing to drive another 1-3 hours for a match with a stranger.

Got me wondering.....How far are you willing to travel for a match with someone you don't already know?

I've read several blogs here on Meetfighters by self-described older guys bemoaning that younger men won't take them on.

These seniors usually speculate, or even outright state, that younger guys are *afraid* of matches with older men because suffering a defeat to a senior citizen will somehow damage a reputation. Do the writers think that these young wrestlers are on their phones comparing post-match play-by-plays the way that teenage girls compare details after a romantic date?!?!

You’d think that common sense would disabuse them of that theory, but I’ve read it here several times.

Another touchy point seems to be that anyone would assume their match motives are anything less than pure athleticism. So much effort expended describing how they have never been fitter, stronger, or more ready to take on all comers – with reassurances that prospective opponents need not worry about unwanted sexual advances.

I totally get that if someone embraces wrestling or weight training later in life that they’ll get the same positive feedback loop that young gym rats get when they pack on muscle mass or hit fitness goals. It’s an aphrodisiac and you want more and more. You’ll assume that your improved BMI, sculpted abs, or improved cardio fitness entitle you to “run with the bulls”.

However, that’s a misunderstanding of the natural social boundaries of peer groups.

Walk over to your neighborhood basketball court and see how welcome you are to join the friendly pick-up game if you are over 30. Even if you can shoot 3 pointers with your eyes closed, you are an outlier to the peer group. Think you've got the skills to kick ass in Fortnite or Overwatch? Great. But is it wrong that college kids would rather game without you? No.

The challenge with being your 40s, 50s, 60s or 70s and wanting to fight tough younger opponents is that you are hoping these invisible boundaries will somehow vanish. But why would they? They don’t in other areas of life, do they? And that's ok. It probably isn't worth raising your fist in the air and complaining about how unfair it is that a guy young enough to be your son or grandson won't battle with you. Accept the declined invitation and move onto someone who will take you on.

I don’t bother sending messages to anyone more than about a decade younger than me, unless something in their profile suggests that we might be a good fit. Does that limit the overall prospective pool of opponents? Of course. But I'm ok with that. But I’d rather have realistic expectations than set myself up for frustration and resentment.

I'm sure there are other constructive pieces of advice for us to share so that the most senior members of this tribe can be reassured that there is a place for them in wrestling. Any thoughts?

Do you have any idea what previous opponents think of you?

I don’t necessarily mean how they would describe your athleticism. Or your physical strength. Or your knowledge of holds/wrestling skills.

Instead, if asked, would your former opponents describe matches with you fondly or might they recall something during the match that made them think “NEVER AGAIN will I wrestle with this guy!”.

Provided that you are a fighter with at least one former opponent, you have – for better or for worse – a reputation. Naturally, if your previous opponents write nice recommendations here on Meetfighters and ask for repeat matches with you, you’ve probably established positive reputational currency.

But I’ve noticed that some guys here complain that they can’t get enough matches for a variety of reasons. Usually they blame things like ageism or that too many people are preoccupied with looks over wrestling ability. But I’d like to also suggest that we all should also be mindful of the little things we do during a match that might contribute to our reputations.

Let me give you an example.

I asked a repeat wrestling friend (who has far more opponents than me) which of his former opponents he would never want to see again and why.

1) He explained that hygiene was his #1 deal breaker. Some guys clearly didn’t wash well enough before the match or launder their fight wardrobe often enough. In a word – the other guy stunk. Other turn-offs apparently were bad breath, poorly kept toenails, or the smell of cigarette smoke.

2) We both agreed that past opponents who disregarded safety or who didn’t seem to know how to “turn up or turn down the intensity of a match” so as to ensure fun instead of injury were not worthy of repeat matches.

3) An opponent’s charm, or lack thereof, contributes greatly to reputation. One reads so many recommendations here that gush about what a genuinely nice guy an opponent turned out to be. It's good to chat, open up a bit, and talk before, during and after the match.

4) Some guys also seem to have a highly active fantasy scripted in their minds and bring a certain weirdness to a match that can be a little bewildering if it hasn’t been shared beforehand. (One former opponent in Japan once failed to share that he wanted me to impersonate a WWII era U.S. soldier so that he could spit in my face while pinning me down! Needless to say, I ended the match I abruptly.)

Reputations can be made moment by moment and match by match. But just as in life, you only get one chance at a first impression. And that impression can often contribute profoundly to the reputation of you that gets circulated around in the wrestling/fighting community.